


Why

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 05:13:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11502492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: An introspective from Tommy's perspective set after 'In the Blink of an Eye' but before 'Limbo'





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

Every day the sun comes up and every night it goes down again. 

I can’t understand why it does. Since Helen died nothing should be the same.

I feel… What do I feel? Responsible. Guilty. Ashamed. Relieved.

Responsible. I should never have involved her in the case. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Perhaps I wasn’t.

Guilty. For the same reason I feel responsible, but also because I wasn’t the husband to her that she deserved. I couldn’t be, and both of us knew why.

Ashamed. For the way I behaved when she was killed, for the way I am behaving now; wallowing in self-pity. I am the embodiment of the tortured adolescent she always said I was.

Relieved. This is the hardest one to live with, which is strange because relief is, by design, a positive thing. I am relieved that I no longer have to share my life with Helen, that I am no longer married to her, but when I feel like that the cycle begins again.

Alcohol is my panacea, dulling my senses, allowing me to function, even if it is on the most basic of levels. I wake up, I drink, I pass out.

Every day the sun comes up and every night it goes down again. And I still can’t understand why.


End file.
